Without character education, we’re letting kids be mean
Saturday, April 02, 2011
SPECIAL TO THE TIMES
Can you imagine taking a video of someone being hurt, embarrassed or humiliated? Well, kids in the Lone Star State did. Last fall, 18 boys in Texas sexually assaulted an 11-year-old girl. It is believed that one or two were the initial assailants, supported by other male high school/middle school bystanders who watched, and then, appallingly, filmed the assault on their phones. Then, even more appallingly, they shared videos of the victim being assaulted with their pals back at school. The famous line from the musical “South Pacific” intones: “You have to be carefully taught.” And indeed, our kids are. Either online or through watching our top-rated reality shows and sitcoms, children and teens learn how to humiliate and alienate others. Too many of our kids are in a “School for Bullies” pipeline, emulating what they see on television or on YouTube. They are trained by TV, often overtly — being coached by “laugh tracks” and a noticeable absence of any consequences for “asserting” themselves at the expense of others. They learn to be callous, to make fun of others, to watch animals and humans being injured — too often, having it all camouflaged as entertainment.
We tell our kids that academics and grades are the essential elements of success, but when it comes to character education and human decency, we tell ourselves that we will deal with that later. We sanction school cultures driven by avoidance, following their lead when we’re told to focus on grades and testing instead of the behavioral challenges created by bullies. We tolerate school cultures bereft of character education and diversity appreciation except for a few posters on the wall and a few assembly programs. Do you even remember anything you did in assembly programs?
We quietly watch violations happening at other schools — kids being sexually assaulted, gay kids being physically and verbally abused and ultimately committing bullycide. How awful that a word for bully-triggered suicides had to be invented for youth who take their own lives because they lose hope for a solution.
We don’t pay much attention until it happens in our schools. But wait — it did happen in our schools. The Rutgers University students who took a video of Tyler Clementi having an intimate encounter in his dorm room were bright, top-performing students from our own West Windsor-Plainsboro High School. This horrific and tragic incident propelled the new New Jersey Anti-Bullying Bill of Rights.
But where are the resources to back this new law? What commitment is the governor making? Where’s the new plan at your school? The best anti-bullying laws in the land are ineffectual unless they are accompanied by coordinated resources for parent training, teacher training, school employee training and an overhaul of the school culture. School administrators need to work as a team with teachers, parents and professionals.
Without money and time, the new anti-bullying law is toothless, albeit well-intentioned. The new law does require the state Department of Education to create a Bullying Prevention Fund, but unless we make sure this happens, nothing changes.
The best prevention and intervention school programs are called evidence-based programs. They include parent training workshops and classroom-based curricula. Evidence-based programs are proven to work, validated by research. They result in youth with more positive social skills, higher self-esteem, stronger peer relationships and better rates of achievement.
So, until parents, guardians and the community put pressure on the schools to pay attention to the humane development of our children, we will continue to create and “excuse” bullies and mean kids who revel in creating victims and copycatting the torture, humiliation and embarrassment they see online, at the movies and on TV.
We are raising too many young bystanders, who watch and walk away. And now, with disturbing frequency, more of them have the audacity to film and share the on-camera torture with their friends. If we are desperate to foster pro-social behavior, we need to increase our level of involvement with our kids, our schools and our communities and assume the responsibility to teach empathy, caring, intervention and the sanctity of the human spirit.
Using the new state anti-bullying legislation as a springboard, let’s work together to protect all of our children — earlier, more consistently and throughout the year — to get the outcomes that will make each child and teen feel respected and safe so each can focus on both learning and becoming a more humane human being.
Lynne Azarchi is executive director of Kidsbridge, which has created a tolerance museum (kidsbridgemuseum.org), a.k.a. learning lab, on campus at The College of New Jersey in Ewing. It provides character education and diversity appreciation programs, including weekly life skill programs for Trenton youth.
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